Warning: the following post is about sex, if you didn't catch on. Furthermore, I'll share my personal thoughts on the subject-matter given the title and the fact this is, indeed, my personal blog :) Anyway, it may be graphic.
Above is the link to the short article. I'll recap the points that stuck out to me then respond accordingly.
- A high percentage of Christian young people are engaging in pre-martial sex. (the article lists facts, studies and a personal testimony from "Maria" pulled from a bigger article by Relevant ({Almost} Everyone's doing it)
- Relevant theorizes about why it's so hard for so many young Christians to wait, including the saturation of sex in popular culture, the prevalence of pornography and a popular "do what feels good philosophy"
- Relevant notes that in biblical times, people married earlier (arranged marriages at 13). The average age for marriage has been increasing in the U.S. for the last 40 years. Today, it's not unusual to meet a Christian who is single at 30 - or 40 or 50, for that matter. So what do you tell them? Keep waiting?
- So what should a Christian parent or youth pastor do? How do they convince more young Christians to wait until marriage, or should they stop even trying?
- High percentage of sex within Christian young people? Shocker.
I can even relate with Maria with the fact that most of her peers her has had sex.
Matter of fact, I was once told (as a 12 year old) by two older girls in my church that I wouldn't make it till marriage. They scoffed, "You think you're going to be a virgin when you get married? You won't make it to 20."
I'm going to make a side note brag about God's protection:even despite the fact that there's been times I didn't really care.Next week, I'll be turning into a 22 year old virgin:-D
Praise God! - Saturation of sex in our culture, prevalence of pornography, and the feel good attitude.
Having been in a "green house" for the past several years, I was shocked to find out that a movie will soon be coming out about the invention ofvibrators, the freedom of woman's sexuality, making sex a solo sport. I'm concerned with how publicized this will now become, masturbation will soon become celebrated. - In biblical times, people married younger.
Arranged marriages around 13, average age of marriage now is 26-28. It's much easier to wait without "15 years of temptation". I've said this for a very long time. (beware feminists) Men and women were made for each other. A man will leave his parents, and cleave to his wife. The very reason a woman was made (unlike some jokes go) wasn't because God messed up the first time, no...it was because it's not good for man to be alone. A woman was made to aid and assist a man.
Some of you may be ruffled by this, and I promise to write about the gift of singleness later. - Should we give up telling people to wait?
No! There's another 20% that haven't had sex, right? What about them?
I am certain that 97% of evangelical young Christians have not always been pure, especially those grown in the church. Sex is a taboo subject.
I think we should encourage a desire for holiness and purity. So often, I hear of people who want to "save sex for their wife/husband" but have no problem doing everything leading up to and going around the act of vaginal intercourse for that sake of that "feel good".
So, answering my title "Why have I waited?"
Because sex is more.
It's more than a one-night stand. It's more than having sexual pleasure in a closet for 7 minutes. It's more than an affair with your computer screen. It's more than exposing yourself to various (and necessarily increasing) avenues of stimulation.
Let me strip away some misconceptions there may be about sex:
Is sex dirty? No, God created sex. For this reason a man will leave his parents and cleave to his wife. The two shall become one. (I might ruin the verse for you but...) Do you think it was talking about their bank accounts? No, the verse is physical. We fit together like puzzle pieces, go figure. Then God gives us a poetic book talking about the yearning, the fulfillment, the missing of a spouse. The Song of Solomon is graphic. Sex is good and God sanctioned in marriage.
Is sex just a physical act? No, sex is extremely emotional. Don't believe me? "You're just a silly virgin that has given mystique to sex." Do your research on oxytocin. It's a natural "feel good" chemical from our brain that creates an emotional bond to the people involved. It's released in a nursing mothers...but guess releases it exponentially more? Sexual pleasure, don't matter "how far" is too far. You're bonding with that person.There are higher rates of depression among those that are actively sexual. When you're having non-sanctioned relationship, sex isn't satisfying.
It loses it's excitement. It's not fulfilling. You want more. That kind of sex is duct tape to your heart. Biblical sex is one that's vulnerable and you are open, trusting of your spouse. Committed to better or worse. Preferring one over the other, biblical love.
Studies prove that the more relations a person has the less they are able to have commitment. Your body learns short term behavior after each emotional break.
Am I saying that waiting is easy? No, ask anyone...it's hard!
It's worth it though. It's worth laying down in your bed with your spouse, praying to your Heavenly Father, thanking Him for the gift of the wife of your youth, delighting in each other...and other things I'm sure, I'm not married. :)
If I get the pleasure to be a wife one day, I'll have to blog again about the pleasure in purity and the worth in wait.
One thing I would like to add is that aside from the media being saturated with sex there is also the underlying acceptance of sex by the older generations(aka our grandparents, parents, teachers, mentors, etc).
ReplyDeleteI have several classes with older adults who have children all over the age spectrum. What scares me is how often I hear them say they "expect," meaning they would not be surprised, if their children have sex as teenagers and before marriage. A few even said they had handed their sons condoms with the message: "if you're gonna do it, at least be safe."
So not only is there the intense media sex barrage but then there is those in authority saying it's alright!
I'm almost not surprised anymore when I see sex stuff these days, it's more like I wonder how far they will go...
Another thought is that the media saturation, older generation consent and other factors is just a result of a build up of events. Sex as a subject used to be more than just taboo, it was straight up sacred. But little by little each generation has explored in secret and passed on sex as less and less secret and so we have sex today: secret but not.
I think the reason it is so hard to wait is because we often completely miss the purpose of waiting to begin with. The book "What Are You Waiting For" talks about how we crave yada, a deep want and need to know, be known, and deeply respected. This correlates physically and emotionally. Yada is from God but since a large portion of the population doesn't seek God, we turn to people to be fulfilled that way when it was originally God who was supposed to be the one to do. God is only one who can fully satisfy our need for yada but He made us a relational beings for each other also. Our yada with humans is a reflection of the yada we have with God. Everything points back to God and until we get that, we will always abuse the gifts God has given us.
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