Facing Death

I've always been a thinker. Taking a Myer's-Briggs Test I come up as a INTJ. A scientist, mastermind, or philosopher. One that observes it's world quietly and thinks up possibility upon each outcome, a long-range thinker.

About decade ago I thought for the first time, "People spend their whole life avoiding death. The funny thing is - as soon as you take your first breath, you begin to die."

I found this extremely clever and would share this with others with a little smirk. Some found this depressing. Others thought it morbid, making them cock their heads and wonder if I'm seeing a shrink...or deciding that I should.

As dark as that thought is for a preteen to have, that statement is true. Furthermore, if you desire to truly live, you must be learn to face death.

Almost a year ago a friend of a friend passed away due to a sudden accident.

I wrote a blog in response, titled aptly "YOLO" as was the popular phrase.

A reminder that no one knows when the last grain of sand will drop through the hourglass.






Again, today I write about death and living. Instead of a reminder of the impending death, this post is about embracing death - the small personal pains we go through daily.

Let's describe living, beyond the logical "to not be dead". Even dictionary.com describes living as "thriving".  I would add "growing, learning, giving, and loving" to the mix.

The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck, MD defines,

"the act of love - extending oneself...The price of [investing time/energy in someone or something] is pain...Move out or grow in any dimension and pain as well as joy will be your reward. A full life will be full of pain."

A well quoted statement from C.S. Lewis:

"To love at all is to vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries, avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin or your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken, it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable."

As a psychiatrist, Peck believes that at the root of all emotional illness is the attempt to avoid legitimate suffering.  We can run from it, seal our hearts off to not feel anything. Or, you can do the brave thing and face death.

Life is change. No matter how much I long for steadiness, there will always be unknowns, mistakes, and the glorious opportunity for growth.

I pray that you can look in the mirror and be willing to live, be willing to change and grow.
Because at the core of an abundant life, is a death. (John 10:10, Galatians 2:20)

Selfless Love

As followers of Christ, we're called to love. I've come to define love in three different stages, or ways. One of them is a selfless, giving love.

This action is one that humbles one's self. That considers others higher. A love that must be sustained from God. 

Ben and Rebecca Clark, Stella and Micah.

Last autumn/winter season I had the wonderful opportunity to be a live-in nanny with the Clark family. I've been meaning to write a homage to them since I left at the end of March. They have no idea I'm writing this :)

This family operates in a selfless love. If you have the chance to go to the small group that they host in Lindale, see Benjamin Clark in concert, or bump into this joyful family at the Vineyard Church in Tyler....I guarantee your life will be blessed.

Here's a bit about each of the family members.

Ben: 

The husband and father of this family is a singer/songwriter. He has such a heart to love Jesus and love the church. He has a serving heart and leads his family in this, joyfully and thankfully. The link to his website is above, or you can like his page on facebook and get updates on his music ministry. Ben ended up being a big brother to me. He teased me about boys and helped me with my car....and maybe sometimes purposefully pushed my buttons with my pet peeves. He set a great standard in loving his wife even after 8 years of marriage.

Rebecca: 

She is not only the wife and mother, but also works professionally as a physical therapist. She is so so kind, with such a loving and gentle heart. Even as I write this, I tear up missing my "roommie." Rebecca is a very quiet and reserved person when you first meet her. Once she jokingly credited her husband's outgoing personality for being the only reason she knows people at church. That being said, you may not know her very well...but if you ever get the chance to get in her inner circle, do not take it for granted. She is a lovely lady that strives for every action and word to show Christ's love and have an eternal impact. Rebecca is exceedingly patient with even her pre-schooler son, even when she was exhausted. The love she showed with his tantrums challenged me. She is flexible and understanding. Joyful and delightful.  

Micah: 

He will be four soon. Micah is one of the smartest little boys I've gotten the opportunity to care for. He is so loving, almost always wanting to be in physical contact with you. Diffusing his cries were simple with some tender hugs. Stretching his brain was harder since he could memorize beats, lyrics, phone numbers, and addresses simply. I miss dancing with him in the morning and taking walks with him as we talk about strangers, being friendly, and safety. 

Stella: 

Stella Rose is not yet one. Avery determined infant, as soon as she was crawling...she would pull herself up to stand on things. She started walking before I left...I was surprised at how much she grew up in the short time I was there. She is very curious and happy. Then again, all of the Clarks are very joyful. In the month I've been gone, Stella has grown up more. I can't wait to see the lady she grows into being.

It would be silly to write out the small (and sometimes VERY LARGE) acts of kindness I saw throughout the half a year I was with them...because they weren't meant to be public.

I moved in at the beginning of October and stayed 6 months with them. I was encouraged to "live my best life now" ;-). I was supported when the Lord called me away. Most importantly, I learned how to live life selflessly by watching them and taking mental notes. I saw the Clarks in the good and bad, the rough and the smooth, the heartbreak and joy. Life brings us both, it's up to you which you'll dwell on.

I hope you have people in your life that you can look up to. Additionally, my friend I pray that you are a shining example of Christ's love. It's not of your power you can love, but simply of an overflow of God's power working through your life.

blessings <3

tabitha.ariel.