"One of my closest friends..."

Over Christmas 2011 I journeyed far and wide to see some of my loved ones. Family of birth, family of choice, friends of late, and friends of old.

While at the Rodriguez's I noticed a slight difference in the way the two younger girls talked about their friends.

The youngest, without hesitation ,"She's my best friend."
The second youngest when asked about a friend, "Oh...yeah, she's one of my closest friends."


Simple semantics.
However, I think that within those few words is a novel of experience, pain, loss, joy, elation, and satisfaction.

My father was once my best friend. Later, I got a little baby brother and a pet dog around the same time and Taz (the dog) became my best friend. I branched out, actually spent time with another child and she became my best friend. School started and I became best friends with someone else. The cycle went on...I could probably list all of my "best" friends throughout the years.

But, somewhere along my path in maturing, I stopped referring to anyone as my best friend.
As I mentioned earlier, I believe it was born out of experience.

Perhaps similar to the poem I wrote earlier,Tainted.
"Supreme Cognizance" - knowing too well that Taz died; my first girl best friend and I are nothing alike anymore; the second lost interest in our friendship; and the list goes on.
Some departures were painful, others plain sad.

Friends leave. People whom you once spent nearly every hour with - most likely, they'll move away (physically or emotionally). 

Does that give me the right to refuse to love anyone else?

"I'm guarding my heart! I'm doing what the Bible commands..."   (see this blog for my thoughts on this)

I took the step to re-introduce "best-friend" to my mental vocabulary.

I've heard some speakers come into a seminar and talk of how you should only have one best friend, and that should be your spouse.
I have came to the conclusion that I shouldn't hoard my love waiting for a spouse. I believe we are called to love like Christ did. What a mess we'd all be in if He chose not to freely love!

So, I define "best" looser than most:

Best friend: the friend that is the closest to you in a particular time in your life. 

                           

I don't agree with my poem. Love does exist, and perfect Love doesn't depart.
It's perfect Love that enables me to hold my arms open to the needy, and pour out love.

That same Power, Grace, and Love can enable you too.

Change....

Since the end of January, I've gone through a few changes in my life. I chose to leave one of the ministries I was partnered with. The Lord completely provided and sent me to work at a deli/bakery.

(I walked in because God told me to and got interviewed by the manager...hired within the week as a floor supervisor)

I've became more involved in my church, and God has provided me with a great new growing friendship. It's been great! I heard in my spirit that He was going to do a new thing in 2012...and He has - abundantly so.

Part of my new job is working the register. For some reason whenever the total comes to an exact dollar amount, I get overjoyed. It's so fun to see those two zeros after the decimal!
What about that brings me joy?
   Is it my OCD traits loving the even number?
      Or is there something deep within my being that hates change?

Maybe it's a bit of both.

In reference to the hatred: change is dirty and messy; you can easily lose some - dropping it and it rolling away effortlessly as gravity pulls it away; and it's just heavy.

This is how I view changes in life. It's messy. Someone will most certainly be lost. It's so very heavy on my heart.

I yearn for steady. I desire a home.
I find that in the Lord....but I can't wait until He sees fit to put something in my life that's dependable.

I trust Him as I've stepped off this cliff of uncertainty...learning to fly. But oh, I long for the ground once more.