Fighting shadows...

A friend posed a question "When a man is fighting for a woman's heart, who is he fighting against?"

There was a battling comment thread about who's fighting whom and which battle is whose to fight. There were at least two different answers, if not three. I ducked behind my dad's response and called that thread done.

me:     fighting the men of the past that has broken her heart 

friend:  What if the man not actually fighting the men of the past, but he's fighting the woman for her own heart? And when a man's heart is wounded from women of the past, who does the new woman get the privilege of fighting? 

dad:    the "man' is fighting his own heart, his own selfish desires, for "the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked." Then he can truly put the woman first...

After a week or so of contemplating and living through life, I'd like to propose to combine everyone's answers.

I think both men and women have had pains, hurts, and negative experiences that jade them from both future and current relationships.

In that same breath, it is we that choose to look at new people through the lens of "cheater", "abusive", "uncaring", "flaky", etc. Even if not at first, eventually something arises that makes you think of that negative experience.

It's a fight we all have. Fighting shadows of the past. It's not an easy battle and some are lost.
There's been a few times that regretfully, I've looked at my sweetheart through a shadow that's not his. There's been times I had to reassure him that I'm not the person he's been hurt by either.

This is a battle I [almost always] joyfully fight. But, like my dad said, we have to kill our selfish desires in order to serve, listen, and/or forgive.

So, whose battle is it? Whom should fight it?

Maybe it's not a question of who it belongs to...

Maybe the question is...

Will you stand along your friend and help them fight their shadows?

Will you allow someone in your life to help you fight yours?

Battles may be lost, but the war isn't over yet.

I happen to know how it ends.

It's a love story...

I've been in my first committed serious relationship for the past 5 months.

It's not all roses.

There's been roses, but some (most) of it has been meeting new people, supporting David as he works full time+ at work, encouraging him in his hopes and dreams and thoughts, and cheering him on as he plays his church softball league.

Then there are times of arguments, misunderstandings, and poor communication. We're trying to learn each other.

You see, my love story wasn't like I thought it'd be.
I didn't fall madly in love with a childhood friend that I know like the back of my hand. I haven't been by David's side for years as he's gone through confusion and heartbreak, being his faithful friend.

We knew each other for two months before we started dating. I don't regret it at all. Every relationship is different, and the beginning of this one caused me to trust in the sovereignty of God even more.

I've told people before "Well, we're just trying to get to know each other. It's understandable and expected to have this spat. We started a race before warming up."

After a rough weekend recently I've realized that analogy is COMPLETELY wrong. Yes, it gets the point across...but a relationship is not a race.

No relationship is a race.

David and I are both determined people. We started this relationship marriage-minded. A month into dating, he said he'd been thinking of a time frame for engagement and marriage. I was a little caught off guard but excited. This was a goal to meet! A goal to prepare for, let's make that time frame!

Long story short, we had pretty big blow up. The combination of misunderstanding each other and poor communication.

We came down to the realization we were so goal-orientated, we'd forgotten to focus on the person we want to run the race of life with.

And I thought:
How often do we do this with God?

How often do we think "He's too busy for me to talk to Him about the things I'm feeling and thinking." ?

How often do we get so goal/works orientated, we forget to build an actual, long lasting, understanding relationship with Him?

Sure, life can be the race, but you're not going to make it through well without God's grace.
I'd hate to break it to you, but life isn't even about running your race the best. It's about God.

He cares about every little detail of your life, and He wants to be involved.