The Harmony of Life..

 (part one) (part two) (part three)

This originated as a small journal entry while in church. As I typed, it became a bigger post. In order to have discretion with your reading time I've cut it into three posts. Above is a link to the first part. Come by later to read the last!

When I came to the Honor Academy in Texas, my group leader asked me a question that changed my life. She asked me, "How do you view God more? As a friend, a dad, or a lover?"

I always referred God as a Father. She and I discussed how my relationship with my daddy is. He has his faults, but so do I. Mark Bell is a pretty good dad. Blessing me simply because he loves me, disciplining me when I need it, loving me because I'm his daughter.

My dad and I are also friends. Our thought processes are much the same. I'm also interested in much of the same things he is. (Jesus, math, logic puzzles, RPGs, and card games to name a few)

I believe this has given me a good starting ground on my view of God.
However, seeing Yahweh intimately is integral to a wholesome perception of Him.

I had never known an earthly lover though. At the time that question was posed, my inner response was "Ew! Gross."
I never knew Him as that, or looked to the Lord to fulfill my need for intimacy.

I did look other places. It's amazing to look back on my life and see how much the Lord has protected me from (as I mentioned in my post about sex.)

There is one experience I had that I remember every time I hear The More I Seek You  by Zach Neese.

I was high-school aged, snuggled up with a guy, not fully realizing the danger I placed myself in.
I don't remember when or why. But I do remember his heart beat. I was leaned back against him. He was holding me in close. I could feel his heart beating through my back and it reverberating in my body.

And every time I sing these words,

I want to sit at your feet

Drink from the cup in your hand

Lay back against you and breathe,

Feel your heart beat.

This love is so deep, 

It's more than I can stand.

I melt in your peace,

 It's overwhelming....

I remember that sensation. 

It's completely different sensation than what I wrote in part one. It's different than just hearing someone's heart beat. You feel their heart coursing through your body. It is overwhelmingly intimate.

Following that meeting with my group leader, I asked God to be my lover. I want to be known and know Him intimately. I set plans to read books to earn this perspective.

I didn't need to.

He came and swept me off my feet as a free gift.

I still want to know Him. I want to feel His heart beat through my body. I want to be overwhelmed by His presence. I am His. He fulfills my need for intimacy.

The Harmony of Life.

(part one) (part two) (part three)

This originated as a small journal entry while in church but as I typed, it became a bigger post. In order to have discretion with your reading time I've cut it into three posts.  Come by next week to see the rest!

I'm a daddy's girl. I always have been. Probably always will be. I used to tell my mom, "Momma, if Daddy died I'd want to die too. Then I could be buried right next to him!"

My sister Heather (right) and me (left) taking a nap

Like all parents of young children, mine took advantage of nap time for themselves. My parents had me cuddle up with them during nap time.

This is probably why I'm such a cuddler now.

With my mom, I'd hug her back while we slept. This way if I got up, she'd wake up before I got into anything too detrimental. I was quite a curious kid.

I think my dad has just one pet name for me......

"Armpit baby."

You can laugh about it.

I used to snuggle up real close to his side under his arm. I'd listen to his heart beating steadily and watch his lungs expand with each deep breath. These are memories I relish. Cozy and held safe, not a care in the world.

I'd lay on my left side, my right arm swung over my dad's warm chest. Holding my breath, I'd attempt to sync my breathing with his. I might be able to inhale and exhale with him once, but then my lungs would start burning. I'd have to breathe at a much quicker pace since my little lungs couldn't quite keep up.

As I grow, I am more able to sync my breathing with my Daddy. More able to love like Him, walk like Him, and talk like Him.  I'm not completely grown yet, but I know that He that began a good work in me will continue His work until the day of Christ Jesus (Philippians 1:6). Until that happens, I delight in the fact that I can lay back against Him and just breathe. Completely safe. Held close. Loved dearly.

You can too.

God wants you as his dearly loved child.