The Harmony of Life..

 (part one) (part two) (part three)

This originated as a small journal entry while in church. As I typed, it became a bigger post. In order to have discretion with your reading time I've cut it into three posts. Above is a link to the first part. Come by later to read the last!

When I came to the Honor Academy in Texas, my group leader asked me a question that changed my life. She asked me, "How do you view God more? As a friend, a dad, or a lover?"

I always referred God as a Father. She and I discussed how my relationship with my daddy is. He has his faults, but so do I. Mark Bell is a pretty good dad. Blessing me simply because he loves me, disciplining me when I need it, loving me because I'm his daughter.

My dad and I are also friends. Our thought processes are much the same. I'm also interested in much of the same things he is. (Jesus, math, logic puzzles, RPGs, and card games to name a few)

I believe this has given me a good starting ground on my view of God.
However, seeing Yahweh intimately is integral to a wholesome perception of Him.

I had never known an earthly lover though. At the time that question was posed, my inner response was "Ew! Gross."
I never knew Him as that, or looked to the Lord to fulfill my need for intimacy.

I did look other places. It's amazing to look back on my life and see how much the Lord has protected me from (as I mentioned in my post about sex.)

There is one experience I had that I remember every time I hear The More I Seek You  by Zach Neese.

I was high-school aged, snuggled up with a guy, not fully realizing the danger I placed myself in.
I don't remember when or why. But I do remember his heart beat. I was leaned back against him. He was holding me in close. I could feel his heart beating through my back and it reverberating in my body.

And every time I sing these words,

I want to sit at your feet

Drink from the cup in your hand

Lay back against you and breathe,

Feel your heart beat.

This love is so deep, 

It's more than I can stand.

I melt in your peace,

 It's overwhelming....

I remember that sensation. 

It's completely different sensation than what I wrote in part one. It's different than just hearing someone's heart beat. You feel their heart coursing through your body. It is overwhelmingly intimate.

Following that meeting with my group leader, I asked God to be my lover. I want to be known and know Him intimately. I set plans to read books to earn this perspective.

I didn't need to.

He came and swept me off my feet as a free gift.

I still want to know Him. I want to feel His heart beat through my body. I want to be overwhelmed by His presence. I am His. He fulfills my need for intimacy.