Take a journey with me...

I'd like to take the time tonight to write to you, my mysterious reader, about my increasing faith in my faithful God.

You see, my God is one who is faithful to provide, protect, love, endear, teach, discipline, and be true.
My God is Yahweh.
(and I am ever so hopelessly in love with Him)

Once upon a time not so long ago, and yet a entire lifetime ago when the wind blew bitterly and the scent of wet dirt was in the air, I cried out to my Lord. I asked Him for a favor (indeed, something I did not need) and I felt He promised me the favor would turn about at the next full moon.

Thus I waited patiently, joining in prayer with a sister of my heart for God to show His faithfulness. I chose not to look to at the lunar calendar to see which night the moon would show it's fullness. I simply waited, watching as circumstances become worse and worse...and behold: the night the favor was fulfilled, I looked at the calendar and saw that the date was the night of the full harvest moon.

Therefore moon after full moon, I was reminded of the Lord's faithfulness, even amongst the most dire circumstances. The moon slowly became a symbol to me.

Soon enough, it was so symbolic that I would ask to see the moon, 

just to be "proved" of His faithfulness once more. 

I would cry out again for that symbol, so that I could remember

...reaching up in vain to catch the moon.

Then it was time to grow up.

It was a gentle process, but unknown and scary as well. This is the tale I'd like to tell you tonight.

I was sitting on a hill crest, overlooking a small pond at night. My attention wasn't at the bubbling water below, however. I leaned back watching lightning in the far distance, relaxing. The light show let up and I laid back to look at the stars and the moon shining through the spots of clouds. I whispered to the Lord how much I loved Him, in awe of the beauty displayed just for me. The countless stars and the bright full moon. A night cool enough to be comfortable and the gentle breeze. Crickets singing undisturbed (and thankfully far away due to my slight phobia ;-) ). 

I heard Him very clearly tell me that He loves me.

I smiled and out of an overflow I shouted internally how beautiful everything was, perfect in that moment for us.

He said, "You are beautiful."

I blushed not doubting for a second that He meant it, not doubting that I ravished His heart with the glance of my eyes, not doubting true love. 

What do I do with this? 

So, I did what most fools in love do. I told Him I would do anything He wanted me to do. I would even jump into that pond! I would dive right in without hesitation. 

"Would you?"

"Of course! ... Well, I'd need to get flip flops. I certainly can't put my boots on while I'm sopping wet."

The next few minutes were filled with procrastination, justification and reasoning from me and simple silence from God.

I became cold on the dampening ground and decided it must be time to wander inside. I knew then, that once I got inside..my reasons would be all for naught. I could change, get a towel, and put on flip flops.

So I did.

I was bolstered, wanting to make my promise good, anticipating the encounter I was confident to have once throwing myself to the wind (figuratively) and diving into unknown waters (literally).

Enough time had passed while I was inside that the street lights had turned off. It was dark outside. Walking around the hill, halfway to the pond, I found myself pausing and wondering what hid in the shadows. I knew this land in the light, and I wandered freely oft' in the dark woods. But for some strange reason, I was deeply scared. 

I knew then what I was to encounter: fear.

I stepped into the water, and immediately my feet sunk into the slimy pond bed. My mind raced of thoughts of people seeing a freak floundering for help stuck in mud in a pond not quite a foot deep, thoughts of stubbing my toe, or thoughts of some once asleep sea...er, pond creature stirring awake as I stomped about. A clear thought untangled from the rest, a thought that reminded me: I promised to dive. 

I dove. 

Mud filled my clothes and I floated up to the top, dead-man style. Another crystal thought: I should lay in the water like I did on the hill. I flipped, dirty water sticking in my eyelashes temporally blinding me.

Once I could see, I realized how dark it had actually became.  THUMP-THUMP The clouds were no THUMP-THUMP longer spotted.  Dark clouds covered THUMP-THUMP the sky eliminating any THUMP-THUMP illumination offered THUMP-THUMP by the moon THUMP-THUMP or her daughters. THUMP-THUMP I was THUMP-THUMP alone. THUMP-THUMP No moon THUMP-THUMP to guide me THUMP-THUMP. Slimy,THUMP-THUMP hungry water THUMP-THUMP around THUMP-THUMP me. Soaked to THUMP-THUMP the bone.

And amongst the echoing sound of my ever increasing heartbeat...Ding

That crystalline thought again. "Why am I here?"

I replied out loud, attempting to calm myself, "I'm here because I love God. I trust You Lord..."

I continued louder, "I trust You because You are You. You are Yahweh, the great I am. I trust You and love You because of who You are. I need not see the moon to be reminded. I can trust you even in the darkness."

I bobbed in the water for a moment, my heart rate returning to normal. In the blissful state that I was in once before on the shore, I soaked in His presence. I returned to my home, and shared my story in trusting God with a few dear friends. The ones that would still love me if they thought I was crazy to go for a swim in the pond.

Now I share it with you. I share in hope that you will have the courage as well to trust in Yahweh....even in the pitch black darkness. I share in faith that He will use my words. I share because...this isn't my story to hoard. It's His to share.

Now, when I look to the heavens in search of a tangible sign of His faithfulness, I am told "Do you trust me?"

I reply with a deep seated smile, "I do." Words of commitment and devotion through thick and thin.

With all sincerity,

tabitha.ariel.